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The Cinema of the Four
By Sherlock Holmes IV, Consulting Movie Detective

Sanctum 3-D

It has been nearly two years since I last took up my pen to chronicle the adventures of myself, the great-grandson of Sherlock Holmes, investigating those curious matters that occur within the theaters of our fair land. This is not to say that my casebook has been empty during that time . . . the rampage of Hit Girl and the rise of Robert Downey Jr. as my namesake reincarnated are just two of the fond memories that I have from my hiatus from writing.

While my great-grandfather's Watson was apt to desert him for a wife, Dr. Watson IV has often been know to bring Mrs. Watson along with us on our cinema adventures, and such was the case today as we embarked upon a descent into "Sanctum 3-D," a case which can only compare to the Long Island cave mystery of that previous century so long ago.

My best analysis of the events of "Sanctum 3-D" is that it is a passive aggressive horror movie. What was previewed as a scenic, thrilling descent into a spectacular cave system, proved to be more of a standard sequence of death scenes, almost all of which were telegraphed with a Darwinistic "show signs of weakness and be next to die." There are no C.H.U.D.s, Morlocks, raptors, or any other down in this cave, just a loss of the familiar way out and a life-or-death imperative to find the cave's theorized exit to the sea. And the body count is high. Very high.

The core of "Sanctum 3-D" is the relationship between hardcore cavediver Frank and his rebellious son Josh. Frank is a no-nonsense cave fanatic, who claims to sense caves like they're the Force and spouts survival tips that mean certain death to those who ignore them. He also *spoiler alert* is really into euthanasia. After watching "Sanctum 3-D" one starts to worry that any injury when going cave-diving will result in your guide putting you down like a rabid dog. Frank's son Josh, as one might expect, has other opinions.

The good Watson was much more kindly in his views of "Sanctum 3-D" than my own. He viewed it as an adventure of exploration and appreciated the "Father Knows Best" spelunking wisdom. Mrs. Watson seemed to find it at least worth leaving the house for.

What great-grandfather Sherlock might have said:
“’There were, it is true, small grottoes and caves in the base of the cliffs, but the low sun shone directly into them, and there was no place for concealment.’”

 

 

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Sanctum 3-D