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The View from the East End
May 20, 2012, Number 109

A Final Lesson from the Master
by Inspector Hopkins

Oh . . . when will I ever, ever learn from Sherlock Holmes?

After all these years as a student of Watson’s writings, as your “Sherlockian Sophomore” submitting all these articles, and as a devotee of Holmes’s methods, I have to confess that I still struggle to grasp them . . .

Case in Point

As a final article, let me please try to explain.

For the past two months, I’ve been struggling with my computer . . .

It’s been going up and down like a yo-yo! I can’t seem to get anything done with it, let alone put out an article for you. It’s been making all kinds of busy “whirring and whizzing” noises as I try to type out articles. It freezes and locks up at the most inopportune moments. The whole system just shuts down, over and over again.

I tried “Disk Cleanup” repeatedly to try and remove any extra file fragments.

I tried “Defragging” my computer.

I tried rebooting it repeatedly.

I tried using the “Task Manager” to look for, and detect any rogue software.

I stopped using AOL as my primary ISP, and switched to Internet Explorer.

I then tried to use a “home page” which was very “quiet” and which I thought would take up fewer resources, thus reducing the “whirring and whizzing” noises from my poor computer, which seemed to be continually laboring under severe stresses . . .

I finally concluded that a virus or some sort of malware had infected my system some time back . . . but who knows where . . . or how . . . or when?

I looked at all the various websites I had visited lately, and then spent many hours using “Google” to check out their reliability, thinking that perhaps some websites were malicious or unreliable.

My “McAfee” anti-virus software seemed to be up to date, and I was constantly getting updates, and downloading and installing them, whenever prompted to do so. I constantly ran “Full Scans” looking for any sort of virus or problem, but none were ever detected.

Exasperated, frustrated, and defeated, at long last I contacted “Computer Rescue Services” here on the East End (sort of like “The Geek Squad”) to make a house call.

After a thorough checkout of my system, it turned out that my CPU cooling fan was simply clogged with DUST . . . This made the fan kick on at high speed during any sort of computer usage and caused all the busy “whirring and whizzing” noises. Once the CPU reached a critical temperature, then whole system would shut down .When the fan was cleaned, all the problems disappeared, and my computer was restored to normal.

* * * * * *

Thoroughly humbled and embarrassed as your “Sherlockian Sophomore”, I must admit that I should have paid more attention to Holmes’s observation in BLUE, where he clearly stated “we must try the simplest means first . . .” when trying to solve a mystery.

SO . . . When will I ever learn, eh?

On behalf of myself, Brad, and Don, I sincerely appreciate all your loyal readership and support of SherlockPeoria, and hope that you will continue in your own studies of The Master, and his methods . . .

Godspeed, and wishing you all the best, I am, and have been, as always,

Yours faithfully,
STANLEY HOPKINS

 

 

 

Archives for
2002 to 2008

Past Columns From 2010 and Beyond

November 21 , 2010
Dirty Old Men in the Canon

December 19, 2010
It'sThat Time Again

January 16, 2011
Loose Ends and Story Killers

February 13, 2011
L.E.S.K. for REDH

March 13, 2011
L.E.S.K. for NAVA

April 10, 2011
L.E.S.K. for BRUC

May 15, 2011
L.E.S.K. for MUSG

June 12, 2011
The People of the Abyss

July 17, 2011
L.E.S.K. for DANC

August 21, 2011
L.E.S.K. for BERY

September 18, 2011
L.E.S.K. for GOLD

October 16, 2011
L.E.S.K. for TWIS

November 13, 2011
L.E.S.K. for FIVE

December 11, 2011
DYIN in December

January 15, 2012
Pastiche Time

February 12, 2012
Kindle Pastiche

May 20, 2012
A Final Lesson from the Master