The Cinema of the Four

Speed Racer

I have often thought of writing a monograph upon the uses of monkeys in the art of movie detection. Unlikeable movies tend to have unlikeable monkeys in them, and likeable movies tend to have likeable monkeys in them. And the movie investigator who frowns upon monkeys altogether is not someone that I would care to share a hansom cab with, on any case.

As my great-grandfather Sherlock Holmes knew, a case with a monkey (or at least a potential monkey) in it always had the makings of a classic. Would he have considered this weekend’s “Speed Racer” affait a classic? Well, after a quick look at its worthy competition, “What Happens In Vegas,” a solid, but typical romantic comedy, I would have to say “Speed Racer” might well be a classic . . . to those young fellows who see this in their impressionable years.

“Speed Racer” has adapted a classic Japanese cartoon into something every boy dreams of – wild “Wacky Races” gadget cars flipping and jumping on tracks that look like they were designed by Hot Wheels toy manufacturers. It also has ninjas, a racecar-driving version of Batman who may or may not be the heroes long-dead brother, bright colors, corporate conspiracies to manipulate sport for stock prices, and a monkey. One of these things does not belong on any boy’s list of favorite things, which may be the film’s biggest failing. Much like George Lucas’s bringing trade embargos and political maneuvering into his second “Star Wars” trilogy, there’s a single “dull topic” chord in “Speed Racer” that causes a pleasant kiddie ride to go “clunk.”

Speed Racer’s family is a sitcom mix of John Goodman, Susan Sarandon, a chubby little brother, a ineffectual mechanic/neighbor, and the family chimp. He has a from-childhood dream of racing that isn’t quite as good as Ricky Bobby’s in “Talledega Nights” and a villain who one might recall from “V for Vendetta.” Plenty of computer graphics and bright colors to keep the attention of even a Waston-level observer supplement practically every moment of the film, but are not seizure-inducing or as painful as watching “Cloverfield” or one of the “Borne” movies.

All in all, a good time for one’s inner child or any outer children that might need entertaining. Otherwise . . . well, there’s “What Happens In Vegas.”

What Great Grandfather Sherlock might have said:
“As I stand towin a little on this next race, I shall defer a more lengthy explanation until a more fitting time.