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The View from the East End (91)

By Inspector Hopkins

December 14 , 2008
 

Canonical Christmas Gifts

by Inspector Hopkins

Well, it’s that time of the year again!

Everyone bustling about in preparations for the upcoming Holiday Season. . .  making lists . . . checking them twice . . . and searching for those all-so-elusive bargains out there, while still trying to get the perfect gift for that special someone!

Blue Carbuncle Time

Whilst I was returning from some small jollification of my own the other night, I got to thinking about what sorts of things might make good Christmas gifts for some of our Canonical friends.

After a fair amount of deliberation, I came up with this following gift list:

  • A “Great Big Bertha”  titanium driver for John Hopley Neligan   (BLAC)
  • Gift certificate for a good dentist to fix Harry Pinner’s filling (STOC)
  • New typewriter ribbon for James Windibank (IDEN)
  • Set of high-quality paint brushes and masking tape for Josiah Amberley (RETI)
  • New pair of trousers for Jonas Oldacre  (NORW)
  • Viagra sampler pack for Professor Presbury (CREE)
  • A book on astronomy for Mr. Frankland (HOUN)
  • New box of cartridges and a speedloader for Milverton’s assassin (CHAS)
  • A copy of  “History of the Peloponnesian War” and a shiny new police whistle for young Mr. Gilchrist (3STU)
  • A reproduction of Vincent van Gogh’s “Self Portrait” for Susan Cushing (CARD)
  • Two boxes of 4mg Nicorette gum for Sergius Coram (GOLD)
  • A year’s subscription to eHarmony for Lord Robert St. Simon (NOBL)

Those were fairly easy choices!

However, shopping for Holmes, Watson, and Mrs. Hudson would be much more difficult, don’t you think? 

So . . . what would YOU get for the three key people in the Canon? 

Well, for my own personal choices, I would buy Holmes a nice Meerschaum pipe. He doesn’t seem to have one of them (remember, he smokes the cherry pipe when he’s in a disputatious mood), and I’m sure (as a past pipe smoker), he would really appreciate it!

Next, for Watson, I would probably get him a high quality billiard cue . . . the kind that is specially balanced, comes in a case, and screws together in three neat sections.  Even thought he didn’t play much (except with Thurston), it might encourage him to get out to his club more often!

And finally, for poor Mrs. Hudson . . . well . . . most likely I would send her on a week’s vacation somewhere out in Cornwall  . . . where she could finally get some peace and rest (as long as she didn’t breathe any strange fumes, that is).

Until next time, and wishing all of my readers a very joyous Holiday Season, and a Happy and Healthy New Year, I remain indeed,

Yours faithfully,
STANLEY HOPKINS