July 4, 1876

Dr. Watson, Hero of San Francisco

Watson’s Idiotic Sidekick, Sir Montague Brown, Keeps Angry Mob Rolling In Laughter

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — Another of California’s notorious anti-Chinese riots was averted during Centennial festivities when John H. Watson, M. D., stepped in between a poor Chinese gentleman and the angry Irish mob that meant to do him harm.

Mr. Ling Tchu, a retired laundry manager, had come to town with his family to see the fireworks, when an unexpected encounter with a madwoman named Biddy McGee started fireworks of a very different kind. McGee flew into a rage, calling Tchu "a Mormon lap-dog" and grabbing at his hat in an apparent attempt to swing him by his hair. Seeing this, Dr. John H. Watson stepped between the two, giving Mr. Tchu a chance to flee. Watson’s action stirred Mrs. McGee’s extended family to make some very threatening gestures towards the doctor.

The Irish mob was eventually placated when they were distracted by the lisping buffoonery of Sir Montague Brown, a fellow boarder of Watson’s at Madame Charpentier’s Boarding House of San Francisco.

"The Irish love at good laugh at a genuine Boobus Britannicus," Watson said. "And Sir Montague always gives a good show of it. I think there is much to be learned from Sir Montague Brown . . . with the possible exception of that lisp. One wouldn’t want to ruin his chances with the ladies, after all."